(C) 2013, "Dancingthots." All rights reserved.
On preparing a new room in our house.
The "Happy room?" "Room for Joan." I cannot guarantee a room full of happiness but I can make this space mine: a place to embrace and celebrate and express who I am, in whatever condition I'm in.
Oh, twittering joy! I'm allowed!
I noticed a few things, while vacuuming the carpet after we finished the paint job.
Ownership- "a belonging to" "here for you" sort of connection to the room, even to the process of cleaning it. Something along the lines of, "This is mine; I want to make it nice, take care of it. "
This impacts a deficit pretty difficult to explain, but I felt it, comprehended the feeling to be different for me; I realized it was a significant moment.
Emotional thinking- now, I'm in the process of deciding what to put on the walls, how to create "texture," what furniture I'll allow in here. Yesterday, I was noticing that I was agonizing about the 'what.' Thoughts like, "Oh, where will I find just the right things? Second hand? New? And, btw, what am I looking for?"
Even imagining the selection process, dissatisfaction became apparent, though I hadn't yet identified or lined up anything tangible. Then, the "Ah ha!" I realized I was thinking from my emotional center. [I felt it in my gut]. Hmm. Emotions- thinking. Maybe not the best platform for decision-making. Need another tactic.
I realized, by the grace of God, that it will be impossible for the room, or the things in it to fulfill the longings in my heart (felt in my gut). Those longings need a much more intangible, on-going life giving source of nourishment: likely a combination of many things, relationships, activities, deep breaths, colors, sounds, singing, moving, smells, etc. [Recovery 101..]
A "room for Joan" has all sorts of positive implications for making progress toward soul nourishment. And, the stuff I put in it -- might need to be rotated to fit my mood, emotional needs. Some days, I need a trampoline. Some days, an overstuffed couch. Probably won't have both of those in the room, maybe ever. (I don't want to overfill the space - no no no..) But, the room, no matter how carefully equipped, will not bring deep contentment, where there is internal strife. (alas....if only it were that easy!)
Parenthetically, I realized this same principal operates in my friends who shop to satisfy their longings, and ..never do. Yep- and food, etc. etc.
What is in the room?
Color: So far, I've hung up, sort of as a curtain over the closet space in the corner, a length of beautiful silk fabric that my mother (DOD- 1974) brought back from ..Japan? ..lo these many years ago, and which I've been saving for just the right application - for nearly 40 years!? I think this is a perfect use for that fabric, long-awaiting the light of day.
Two shelves (built-in, in the closet space)
Sewing machine and new roller-storage unit (tucked into the corner closet space)
Computer and wee pretty desk.
A yellow upholstered rocking chair (from my mother's world). We might eventually replace it with something I would choose. I like rockers, but she was 3.5" shorter than I; it seems built for her stature.
A wooden piano stool (which I acquired on purpose a few years back) on which thrives a lovely, fragrant, healthy gardenia plant my brother sent us for Christmas.
Clearly, there are walls of opportunity to put up photos, new and old, and stuff and what-not.
I shall take my time about that, adding as I feel inclined, or as pieces are printed and framed. I realize I could do art-show prep in this little room, patiently preparing and gathering works for the possible gallery op. [Good idea, Joan].
Ciao, and thanks for listening/reading.