Recovery work: learning to feel my feelings, and challenge my thoughts
Some days, I want to turn the page back to when I didn't feel and go from there; just let life brush on by me.
Sunday was like that this week. And, it took all of Monday and part of Tuesday to 'recover' from feeling my feelings.
It was a bulldozer sort of day. The schedule was crowded, as usual, but added to that were several incidences of "Oh, by the way, Luv, new plan: would you/could you?..." Emotionally, sudden change is not my friend. I get jolted/thrown off. Perceiving no choices in the matters presented on Sunday, I tried to soldier on, but my experience was that with each change, each need to step up!, I got younger and younger, 'til by the end of the day, I felt like an 8 year old trying to drive the car. Not good.
And, it continued into the next day. I got completely lost/turned around/disoriented, driving to a relatively familiar in-town location. I finally phoned for directions, because my mind had left me: blank screen. The level of confusion felt similar to a side effect of deep grief. Was I experiencing grief? Maybe so.
Does this mean that if I have a very emotional day I need to plan to take the following 1-3 days "off" so I can resettle myself? I don't know that either.
I catch myself looking for "certificates of completion," frequently, and especially when I get upset. "How long!?" I ask myself. Really... How long before what? Is there an end goal? If so, how do you measure progress toward that goal?
I don't know.
Some days, I want to turn the page back to when I didn't feel and go from there; just let life brush on by me.
Sunday was like that this week. And, it took all of Monday and part of Tuesday to 'recover' from feeling my feelings.
It was a bulldozer sort of day. The schedule was crowded, as usual, but added to that were several incidences of "Oh, by the way, Luv, new plan: would you/could you?..." Emotionally, sudden change is not my friend. I get jolted/thrown off. Perceiving no choices in the matters presented on Sunday, I tried to soldier on, but my experience was that with each change, each need to step up!, I got younger and younger, 'til by the end of the day, I felt like an 8 year old trying to drive the car. Not good.
And, it continued into the next day. I got completely lost/turned around/disoriented, driving to a relatively familiar in-town location. I finally phoned for directions, because my mind had left me: blank screen. The level of confusion felt similar to a side effect of deep grief. Was I experiencing grief? Maybe so.
Does this mean that if I have a very emotional day I need to plan to take the following 1-3 days "off" so I can resettle myself? I don't know that either.
I catch myself looking for "certificates of completion," frequently, and especially when I get upset. "How long!?" I ask myself. Really... How long before what? Is there an end goal? If so, how do you measure progress toward that goal?
I don't know.
Maybe Amy knows!